We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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ROLF HARRIS
DEPORTATION SHAME
Issue 2 - August 1999
All-round entertainer Rolf Harris may have called tying a kangaroo down sport, but Australian authorities decided that carnal knowledge with their national symbol just wasn't cricket.
In fact, it was after a brief and very secret court case in 1968 involving several unidentified kangaroos, two possums and a wallaby that Rolf was thrown out of his home country never to return.
Though the original court documents remain top secret, it has been reported that two little boys, who claimed repeated wobble-board beatings and obscene acts with a didgeredoo, also gave testimony.
These claims are nothing new in Australia, but despite having a worldwide news service, the BBC have only just heard of the scandal. The latest gossip is that they too will sweep it under the rug to ensure Rolf's continued involvement in the popular TV show 'Animal Hospital'.
"It's just sick," said an unnamed vet yesterday, "a hospital is the one place an animal should feel safe and secure, but the BBC's decision about this would suggest that they only care about ratings."
A fellow reporter who also wished to remain anonymous said; "It comes as no surprise to me. Several times I've walked into a room and seen Rolf lying on the post-op table with a large dog, either panting heavily or calmly smoking a cigarette."