We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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MICHAEL JACKSON'S
MENAGERIE A TROIS
Issue 4 - October 1999
When this photo was taken, 3 journalists and a photographer were present. None were aware of the shocking events that followed.
According to an ex-employee of 'Neverland', all of these animals fell victim to the notorious sex monster within minutes of this picture being taken and none were the wiser, despite Bubbles being visibly agitated and Jackson appearing from the bedroom 'drenched in horse mess'.
"Well, after the photo shoot, they all left to have a go on the ferris wheel" said the ex-security guard.
"I was on monitor duty, so I was not only able to see Jackson going at it hammer and tongs in the bedroom - but also several people who would kill for just such a story only metres away eating popcorn and playing on the swings".
So what exactly happened in the 20 minutes journalists spent frolicking in the park? According to our mystery informant, you may have already seen for yourself.
"As I said, it was on the security monitor, so there must be a tape of it somewhere" said the guard.
"Michael was in disguise as usual, but it is very easy to recognise. Just look for the guy in the pirate suit 'riding' a pony with a monkey sitting on his face. In the corner is a parrot talking dirty and at one stage you can clearly see the llama-spit strike the lens".