We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
The latest article always appears on the front page. All past articles are accessible via the main archive.
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THE BIG SELL-OUT
Issue 11 - June 2000
Let's get this straight right from the start. Chris Evans owns a dog. Well, at least we think he does. Well, to be honest, we're really not sure. We do know for a fact however, that he was in possession of a dog at least long enough to be photographed with it. While walking down a hall.
The fact that the dog was a dead ringer for Geri Halliwell's is of little importance here - what is important is our assertion that, as far as we know, Chris Evans has never indulged in a carnal relationship with a canine of any size, shape, or breed.
That said, we would like to draw your attention to the signature that appears below. Yes, it is authentic, and was signed by Mr Chris Evans himself at the Old Coffee House (London, W1) on 17th May 2000.
What makes this signature so special, you ask?
Well, it's on the top right hand corner of a document widely known as an Internet classic; A Woman's Guide to Canine-Human Sex by Erica G (look it up sometime... just not at work). This automatically makes what would otherwise be a bog-standard autograph (worth about £2.50) a highly collectible piece of zoophilia memorabilia (priceless).
And guess what? We're going to auction it of to the highest bidder!
We'll be setting up the sale soon, but before we do, we wanted to ask our audience which charity should benefit from the sale! Cast your votes today!
Oh, and Chris, if you're reading this - be careful what you sign in the future...
;o)
EPILOGUE:
The local public library won with a clear margin, but after several misunderstandings with the management team at Ginger Media, we were forced to abandon the public auction of this valuable document. Instead, it will remain archived for blackmail purposes. Happily, a donation of one box of staples was made by an anonymous bidder who insisted that 'some good should come of the exercise'.
