We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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BILL GATES: COWTIPPER
Issue 12 - July 2000
Let's start by making one thing perfectly clear; cowtipping, while technically illegal, is a healthy and wholesome sport played by drunken youths the world over. But when this practice becomes an obsession tainted with sexual gratification, it's time to call the authorities. Which is just what a certain farmer did in New Mexico in 1977 when a young Bill Gates was caught amongst the herd "a grippin' and a tippin' like a man possessed".
Thanks to his father, a prominent city lawyer, Bill came out of the affair largely unscathed - but was much more cautious about where he carried out his cowtipping practices in the future.
What followed was a series of 'business trips' to Japan where cowtipping was, and still is, legally permitted for 'experimental purposes' - and it was while mixing with like-minded cowtippers that Bill Gates made those first all-important connections in the growing software market.
Of course, these days the man is insanely rich and can do whatever the hell he likes, but we are in no way suggesting that the following picture is authentic, or even proportionately accurate for that matter. There is also no truth to the rumour that this is the new 'error alert' for Windows 2000.
That is all.
