We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
The latest article always appears on the front page. All past articles are accessible via the main archive.
Of course you may send us email. We'd love to hear from you. Just no spam, please:
SIZE MATTERS
Issue 13 - August 2000
Could anybody possibly outdo Michael Jackson and his past performances including llamas, apes and aliens? Is there a single swinger on Earth less discerning than Captain James Tiberius Kirk? Will there ever be a National Enquirer headline to beat that one about Richard Gere and the gerbil?
Ladies and Gentlemen, WE HAVE A WINNER!
While Geena Davis's past involvement with aliens and grossly mutated humans can be explained away as youthful experimentation, many believe that the main issue this time around is size.
Yes, the statuesque Geena Davis has once more shocked Hollywood, not by falling for her co-star or director (again), but by shamelessly crossing the species barrier in a bizarre attempt to overcome her chronic height fixation.
Word has it that staff on the set of Stuart Little, while stressing that her behaviour was 'exceedingly professional' during the shoot, could not help but notice Geena's obvious affections from the moment the little mouse took his first screen test.
"She was predatory to say the least," said one insider, "she would hang around outside his miniature trailer for hours on end, just like Tom used to wait for Jerry - and you know what they say about those two!"
Long a believer in numerology, Geena must be aware that both Jeff Goldblum and Renny Harlin are precisely 193 centimetres tall. The fact that Stuart Little is 193 millimetres tall cannot be dismissed as coincidence.