We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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THE CURSE OF SUPERMAN!!
Issue 20 - March 2001
Make no mistake, the 'Curse of Superman' is a proven fact. Co-creator Jerry Siegel himself is believed to be behind it, and actually said in 1974:
"The publishers of SUPERMAN comic books, National Periodical Publications (now DC Comics), killed my days, murdered my nights, choked my happiness and strangled my career. I consider National's executives to be money-mad monsters. I, Jerry Siegel, the co-originator of SUPERMAN, put a curse on the SUPERMAN movie!"
The casualty list so far includes Margot Kidder, Christopher Reeve and Richard Pryor. And now...
While the average web user searches in vain for 'authentic' nude photos of Teri Hatcher, TV's latest Lois Lane continues her search for the very real MPEG that could ruin her career.
For legal reasons, we can't disclose the exact contents of this MPEG - but we can state for a fact that when dogs copulate with other dogs, or indeed with humans, a large bulge grows on the base of the male's penis. The purpose of this 'knot', as it is known, is to keep the penis in place until insemination is complete. Unfortunately, in some cases this can result in partners being locked together for anything from 15 to 45 minutes after the act.
The best thing to do in such cases is to remain calm and wait for nature to take its course. After all, how bad can dog breath be? The worst thing you could do in such an awkward situation is struggle and start screaming for help - especially if you're a well-known celebrity (and currently in your trailer on a busy film set).
Thankfully on this occasion a number of cast members and extras from the Daily Planet set were nearby, so there were plenty of rolled-up newspapers to hand and the immediate crisis was soon averted. Sadly, there was also a digital camera to hand, so the ongoing crisis continues - not only for poor Teri, but anyone else who dares to flaunt the Curse of Superman.
(*Dean Cain was not available for comment, but we rang his agent to express our concern for his welfare. His agent asked how we found out that Dean was on welfare. Boom-boom.)