We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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TROY McCLURE, WE HARDLY KNEW YE
Issue 22 - May 2001
In loving memory of Phil Hartman...
It's only now, three years after his untimely demise, that we realise what a treasure we had in Troy McClure.
Though most fans would be shocked to learn that Troy (ahem) 'slept with the fishes', it must be said that this was only one aspect of his life, a rich life that included perversions as diverse as his acting roles.
It is rumoured that this began with one of his earliest movies, Gladys The Groovy Mule, but those of us closest to him (and most repulsed by him) know that the roots go far, far deeper than this.
Even his 'plushie' phase (which began, and ended, during his filming of Muppets Go Medieval) surprised virtually no-one.
By this late stage in his career, it had reached a point where bored directors and producers were deliberately putting Troy in strange and provocative roles, just to see if there were any breed, type or species of co-star that he wouldn't sleep with.
Even his comeback musical, Stop the Planet of the Apes: I Want To Get Off!, carried 3/5 odds of monkey business behind the scenes.
The tragedy is that now Troy has gone from our lives, a rich and varied gambling culture is lost forever. Were it not for the antics of Rainier Wolfcastle, we would have to close the book altogether.
Farewell, Troy. For your sake, we hope that dogs do go to heaven.
