We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
The latest article always appears on the front page. All past articles are accessible via the main archive.
Of course you may send us email. We'd love to hear from you. Just no spam, please:
BIRTHDAY/ARCHIVE SPECIAL
Issue 27 - October 2001
Note - This month was going to be all about Osilly Bin Liner and his personal goat harem, but too many sites edged in on our territory and went live with their own substandard exposé. So, instead of recycling the story (which, by now, is as appetising as a bucket of cold sick anyway), we're going to dig through the archives to see how Celebrity Bestiality has changed our world for the better. Two years of confused looks and half-hearted smiles? Boy, we've had some laffs - even if you haven't!
WE LIED. SORRY ABOUT THAT.
We begin with an apology. When Celebrity Bestiality first launched, we wanted to
give the impression of a well-established site; and so began with three issues
already in the archive. The bad news is that Ronald
Reagan, Rolf Harris and
Clint Eastwood never really made the front page.
The good news is that today is our 2nd birthday. (Of course, if you're
reading this tomorrow, then it was yesterday… erm, and if you're reading this
the day after tomorrow, our birthday was the day before yesterday and so on.)
CHRIS EVANS: WHY HASN'T HE CALLED?
We were digging through the filing cabinet the other day when we
discovered that we were still in possession of Chris Evans' signature
on a copy of A Woman's Guide to Canine-Human Sex by Erica G (yes, it's
real; read about it here). The attempted auction
of this priceless document and the associated story caused quite a fuss in its
day, but Chris still hasn't called to demand its return. What should we do? Give us your opinion…
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT...
Quite a few people emailed us after our Curse of Superman
article to point out that there was also a disturbing and prophetic link between our
choice of stories and the fortunes of those who appeared in them. It all started with
an obscure reference to George Dubya Bush way back in
February 2000. Success soon followed for George Jr. - as it also did for Scooby Doo, who, a mere 12 months after we wrote about his failed career, is set to release his first real-life feature-length film. The Hollywood link doesn't end there, though. Many have noticed the disturbing similarity between Michael Jackson and Ari from The Planet of The Apes. We'd like to think that the chief make-up artist, or maybe even Tim Burton himself, was influenced by our
incredible millennium special. Sadly, even the power of
Celebrity Bestiality was unable to keep the career of
Nick Bateman afloat, nor has it revived the fortunes
of Hanson… yet.
YOUR LETTERS; WHERE ARE THEY?
Over half a million individuals have visited Celebrity Bestiality since
its inception. Roughly 8% have returned as regulars (hello, you sick puppies,
you) but only 0.001% have ever written to us. We used to worry about this until
an amateur psychologist pointed out that perhaps the majority were too
embarrassed to write, finding this site as they had by searching for
'bestiality' in Google. Keeping this in mind, it must be noted that the
most traffic (and the most hate-mail) we ever received was during our piece
on Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Does this mean
that monarchists are not as easily embarrassed, or just that more of them search
for bestiality on the web? Perhaps you can tell us - if you dare...