We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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HOT IN THE KITTY
Issue 28 - November 2001
It was in his early days that Billy Idol first discovered the fast and sleazy pleasures of 'Stray Street', so named because of the alley cats that lined the pavement daily, offering their bodies in return for a tin of cat food or the small comfort of some fresh kitty litter.
This dark corner of Soho has always been seen as a refuge to homeless felines and those seeking freedom from ownership, but it is in fact a trap in itself. Many young kittens come here seeking adventure, only to find themselves slaves to a vicious circle of kitty porn and catnip.
While most cat-loving clientele remained unaware of (or unwilling to accept) the daily horror of life as a streetcat, Billy, to his credit, remembered his roots after he made the big time and set about cleaning up Stray Street.
Sadly the venture was woefully misguided, Billy's altruism being polluted as it was by his ongoing obsession with casual kitty contact. Cats 'saved' from the street and placed in halfway houses across the country quickly found that redemption came at a price, as Billy regularly stopped by expecting gratitude its most physical and primitive form.
While their surroundings may have been more luxurious than anything they could hope for on Stray Street, the fact remained that they were little more than kept cats, or, as they liked to refer to themselves, 'kitty concubines'.
When Billy Idol's star began to wane in the late 80's, the cash started to run out, and these catnip-dependent kitties soon found themselves abandoned to their fate. Most, unsurprisingly, returned to the street. Only one is known to have escaped the lure of kitty tricks via an overly generous donation from Billy. She is now believed to be living on a family farm somewhere in Wales, determined to bring her children up as honest 'working cats'.
One, however, refuses to chase mice and instead prefers to caterwaul late into the night. Whispers of his true parentage abound, as do those of a record deal in the offing. This incredibly rare photo of the kitten in question may give a clue as to why...
