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Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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ANT ELOPES
Issue 31 - February 2002
Celebrity Bestiality has been criticised of late for jumping on celebrities when they're down. We would like to apologise for this, and to show that we've turned over a new leaf, this month we'll instead be leaping to the defence of Stuart Goddard, otherwise known as Adam Ant.
Last month the pop superstar was accused of pulling a gun at the Prince of Wales pub in Kentish Town. Many a tabloid headline followed but, as usual, only we have the real story.
As Mr Ant has stated to the press on a number of occasions, this whole thing was 'a misunderstanding', one that we can confirm after tracking down the root of the problem - a simple typo within the police transcript, centred on a witness who is reported to have said; "It was then that Adam Ant entered the pub and pulled a gun..."
After exhaustive research, we can confirm that what the witness actually said was: "It was then that Adam Ant entered the pub and pulled a gnu..."
Gnus are not unknown in Kentish Town. In fact, it's close enough to the London Zoo to be accessible to a wide range of exotic animals who may wish to relax with a few drinks after a long hard day of being stared at by tourists. Add to this Adam Ant's long and healthy interest in gnus and the whole thing makes a lot more sense.
For those not in the know, Adam Ant has long been a fan of gnus. The picture above of Adam Ant performing in his early days with the ex-Sex star, Jordan, actually reveals a gnu groupie waiting in the wings.
Despite this attention, however, he found it hard to locate the gnu of his dreams. Many, he felt, were attracted mostly to his fame and the prospect of as much grass and scrub as they could eat. Establishing a relationship under such conditions is, we will grant, far from easy.
It was only when his star waned that Adam Ant began his search proper, which is how he came to be a regular in pubs around the Camden and Kentish Town area, cruising for attractive wildebeest. This candid photo from 1990 shows one such encounter, which sadly ended with the unexpected intervention of a loose bachelor herd.
Ironically, it was on Saturday the 12th of January 2002 that the former pop God, high on the news of his impending comeback, finally pulled the gnu of his dreams at the Prince of Wales pub. Those present at the time were clearly taken aback, and a regrettable melee followed.
Despite the unpleasantness, the couple intended to make their way to an underground registry office in Wales the next day to exchange vows. This was not to be. Adam Ant was forcibly detained en route by police and sectioned under the Mental Health Act - further testament to the blind bigotry of the British powers that be, who still consider the pure and heartfelt love between a man and his wildebeest to be a crime.
You can take action and show your support for Adam Ant by visiting his official website or buying an album.
We thank you.