We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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FLIGHTS OF FANCY
Issue 32 - March 2002
Jamie Oliver has stirred up a hornet's nest of bestiality-related controversy during his latest shoot in Australia. Local conservationists are up in arms over his abuse of local fauna, but the message from the Oliver camp would seem to be "who gives a bosh?"
Jamie's bird fetish is openly tolerated in the UK, but when conservation groups became aware of his recreational use of protected species, the fight was on.
The issue first came to light when Jamie was photographed by a local tabloid buying a box of cockies 'for his personal use'.
The statement that so incensed environmental activists came from Jamie's manager, who closed the resultant press conference with the following:
"Jamie's interest in birds is well-documented, and a country so rich in exotic bird life should be proud to host a celebrity with such a healthy interest in them. We all know that Jamie likes a cockatoo, but in London you can only get them on the seedier side of town. Jamie is just doing what comes naturally and Australia has more than enough birds to go around."
Later that day, Jamie posed for a local newspaper whilst cheekily licking the plumage from a Golden-mantled Rosella.
Protests on set increased dramatically, but again the Oliver camp stood firm by hiring extra security to handle the crowds and encouraging Jamie to indulge himself further by expressing his love of birds through cooking.
Jamie was all for it, and enraged protestors could only look on helplessly as he stuffed a mixture of exotic birds and finished off his unique dish by squeezing the last of the yellowy goodness from a common household canary.
Jamie's manager described the response as 'phenomenal', saying, "You can't buy publicity like this and anyone who thinks this is going to hurt his career is stork raven mad!"
He was subsequently charged under the Commonwealth Punalty Act of 1969 for being less than emusing.