We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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LICK ME BABY,
ONE MORE TIME
Issue 34 - May 2002
From the Britney Spears FAQ:
Do you have any pets?
"Yes, a dog named Baby that travels everywhere with me."
Last month, four men barely escaped a jail term after breaking into a holiday home in Destin, Florida, where Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were staying.
The judge sentenced Marcus Cook, Matthew Daily, Richard Olivarez, and Salvador Martinez to 18 months of community control and two years' probation. A condition of this light sentence was that the boys sign a nondisclosure agreement regarding details of the burglary and what was taken.
This basically means that if they talk about what they stole (or saw in the house), they'll be locked up.
Included in the items stolen were some videotapes of what the police described as "personal footage".
We're sure you know where we're going with this...
Lately we've received a few interesting insights into Britney Spears. She smokes. She drinks. She is, according to Justin at least, no longer a virgin.
This is where it gets interesting because, even if none of the above revelations seemed to tarnish the Teflon pop princess, we can't help but wonder what the reaction would be to the existence of footage that, just for example, clearly showed Britney receiving oral pleasure from a rottweiler.
It would make the front page of the tabloids, certainly - but would the broadsheets run with the story, and if so, would they use full-colour screen captures?
Normally you would think not, but it would be a pretty big story after all, and if somebody told me that Britney Spears likes the feel of a cold nose against her privates, I'd want to see a picture. Wouldn't you?