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BONNIE: "JOHN LESLIE IS INNOCENT!"
Issue 40 - November 2002
Celebrity Bestiality has done it again! We've just received a partial copy of a police transcript that looks set to blow the John Leslie scandal wide open. This statement, given in a voluntary interview by Blue Peter dog Bonnie, suggests that John Leslie is being unfairly victimised by publicity-hungry starlets and the media. It also suggests that a wider conspiracy is behind the ongoing revelations.
Read the interview. Judge for yourself. An innocent man's livelihood is at stake!
Inspct. R. Vain: Interview begins 10:35am, Friday the 1st of November. Could you state your name for the record, please?
Bonnie: Woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: Thank you, Bonnie. Can you confirm that you served as co-presenter with John Leslie on the BBC show Blue Peter from 1989 to 1994?
Bonnie: Woof woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: Thank you. And in that time, were you ever propositioned in a manner that you felt was overtly sexual or in any way untoward?
Bonnie: Woof! Woof woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: I'm sorry, but Anthea Turner is not the subject of this enquiry. We'd appreciate it if you stuck to the matter at hand. I'll ask you again, and please be specific. In that time, were you ever propositioned by John Leslie in a manner that you felt was overtly sexual or in any way untoward?
Bonnie: Woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: No? Well, we have a party who claims otherwise. Can you think of any reason why they would want to lie to us?
Bonnie: Woof! Woof woof woof woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: I should state for the benefit of the record that this is the first time the name John Noakes has been mentioned in this interview, and was first mentioned - unprompted - by the interviewee. What, Bonnie, gives you the impression that Mr Noakes is our informant?
Bonnie: Woof! Woof woof woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: And did this happen during your time at Blue Peter, or after?
Bonnie: Woof! Woof woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: You are aware, of course, that John Noakes had retired from the show some years previously. What gave you reason to trust him in such a way?
Bonnie: Woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: Ah, yes. Well, that complicates matters somewhat, doesn't it? Would you be prepared to repeat your testimony in court?
Bonnie: Woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: Not even for a treat?
Bonnie: Woof! Woof woof woof!
Inspct. R. Vain: Very well. Interview suspended at 10:58am to allow the interviewee to contact their lawyer and publicist.
[transcript ends]