We are frustrated tabloid hacks with a common interest in red-hot monkey love and we wish to bring to you the stories that our editors dare not print. Read our profile page to find out more.
Celebrity Bestiality was published monthly from 1999 until 2003. Then, after a suggestion made at a somewhat regrettable social gathering, we went away to have a good, long, hard look at ourselves. Now we're back.
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ENDS OF AN ANGEL
Issue 41 - December 2002
In yet another desperate effort to shed her squeaky-clean image, Charlotte Church has begun dating one of Princess Anne's bull terriers.
She and the purebred terrier bitch Eglantyne met over a year ago whilst attending the filming of An Audience With Ricky Martin in London. While there were some whispers about who went home with who, the pair firmly maintained at the time that they were 'just good friends.'
But recently the couple have made a number of formal appearances together and seem happy to discuss their 'long and happy' relationship. Many of the tabloids have picked up on this story and asked probing questions regarding the legality of the bestial lesbian affair, which - according to the couple's own account - appears to have begun while Charlotte was still below the age of consent.
However, the inside dirt dug up by Celebrity Bestiality paints an altogether darker picture.
Our sources reveal that Charlotte only became seriously involved with Eglantyne after the tearaway terrier participated in a number savage attacks led by half-sister Dottie. The right royal bitches haven't been out of the news since the first attack, and both are only one offence away from court-ordered destruction.
This just the kind of life-on-the-edge appeal that Charlotte is after and - should Eglantyne push the law to its limits (as many expect she will) - Charlotte will find herself not only with more publicity than money can buy, but also a very clean end to the relationship she has so cynically engineered.